Posts in category: Alcohol Addiction

Knowing how to deal with an alcoholic parent is vital to the health of your family. You can’t control their behaviors, but establishing healthy boundaries can keep you from burning out or overreacting. In addition, you can help them find treatment—when they are ready to accept help.

Creekside Recovery Residences can help your alcoholic parent when they accept that they need treatment. But, if they are not ready yet, the following tips can help you deal with your parent’s problematic drinking:

8 Tips to Deal With an Alcoholic Parent

It can be tough to deal with an alcoholic parent—even when you are an adult. Oftentimes, unresolved feelings about past behaviors during childhood can get in the way of seeing your parent as a person who struggles.

However, there are ways that you can help your alcoholic parent—or at the very least, accept the situation for what it is without burning yourself out in the process.

#1. Help Yourself

The first and most important step in dealing with any loved one who struggles with problematic behaviors is to help yourself. You’re going to have strong feelings come up when dealing with your parent. These feelings can start to drive your reactions and behaviors when they are unresolved.

Helping yourself can include a lot of things. Sometimes, it’s as simple as walking away for a few minutes to calm down if you’re arguing with your parent. Other times, it’s engaging in self-care activities, like exercise, listening to music, or journaling.

But you might need to go deeper and work with a therapist to resolve any lingering issues with your parent. If your parent has been drinking all of your life, they can help you cope with the long-term effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent.

In addition, support groups like Al-Anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) can help you feel less alone and provide additional tips.

#2. Learn More About Alcoholism

One of the other benefits of the support groups mentioned above is that you will learn more about the disease of alcoholism. This can help you put things into perspective so you see your parent as a person struggling.

You can also attend open meetings for Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Open meetings allow nonalcoholics to observe. Sometimes, hearing about other people’s experiences can provide insight into your parent’s behaviors.

There are also resources online that provide valuable information about alcoholism, including:

• The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
• National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA)

#3. Build a Support System

Dealing with an alcoholic parent isn’t easy, but it’s easier when other people support you. Adult children of alcoholics often feel shame about their parent’s behaviors. This can get in the way of talking to other people about what is going on.

However, it is critical that you develop a good support system to prevent yourself from getting burnt out. If you have siblings or a non-drinking parent, reach out to share the responsibility. Also, if your alcoholic parent has siblings, they can offer support for you as well.

Your support system can help you host interventions and encourage your parent to get help. They can also pitch in if you need to take your alcoholic parent to an AA meeting or a rehab program. Some examples could be someone to babysit your children or watch your pets if you need to be with your alcoholic parent.

Other times, you just need someone to talk to. You can talk to a trusted friend about the issues or a sponsor in a support group for families of alcoholics.

#4. Let Go of Guilt and Responsibility

Besides shame, guilt and responsibility over your parent’s drinking can get in the way of helping them. Their drinking is not—and never was—your fault. Taking on guilt and too much responsibility for other people’s behaviors can lead to burnout.

#5. Set Healthy and Respectful Boundaries (Without Enabling)

Healthy and respectful boundaries are important when dealing with an alcoholic parent. On one hand, you want to be firm so you aren’t enabling their behaviors. On the other hand, they are still your parent, and you want them to be a part of your life.

Boundaries are going to look different for everyone. Essentially, you are setting your own expectations and limits while not trying to control another’s behaviors.

Examples of healthy and respectful boundaries with alcoholic parents include:

• Not allowing any drinking at your home. What they do in their home is their business, but you won’t let it happen under your roof.
• Avoid them when you know they are most likely to be drinking. For example, if certain dates or holidays trigger your parent’s drinking, then you might not want to contact them at that time. Also, if your parent drinks at a certain time of the day, avoid calling or visiting at that time.
• No longer paying for fines and legal fees. If you’ve paid for any legal consequences—like DUI or disorderly conduct charges—for your parent’s problematic drinking, you can refuse to do so from now on.
• Don’t allow your parent to babysit their grandchildren when drunk. This can be tough—you probably don’t want to cut your parent out of your grandchildren’s lives. However, you can set a limit—perhaps they can visit, but can’t be relied on as a sitter.

#6. Don’t Talk to Your Parent When They Are Drunk

As mentioned above, not talking to your parent when they are drunk is an important boundary. However, this point needs to be emphasized. When you find your parent drunk, this is not the time to talk to them about their drinking.

Oftentimes, you want to succumb to knee-jerk reactions when your parent is drinking. You might want to lecture them or confront them about what they are doing in the moment. You might even believe they need to hear it out when the problem behavior occurs or the consequences won’t stick.

Unfortunately, talking to your parent about their behaviors while they are drunk doesn’t help anyone. Maybe it feels good for a fleeting moment to let it out, but it never helps in the long term.

For instance, they will likely say something you don’t want to hear. Conversely, they might agree with you to get help just to get you off their back for now. But, in the end, they probably won’t remember anything you’ve discussed.

#7. Helping Vs. Enabling (What’s the Difference?)

There’s a difference between helping someone with their problematic drinking and enabling their behaviors. Sometimes, what you think is helpful could enable them to continue drinking. In other words, you unintentionally send the message that problem drinking is okay.

It can be difficult to define enabling exactly, but some examples can illustrate the point. For instance, if you bail them out of jail when they get a DUI, you could be enabling. Or, if you make excuses for them when they are unable to fulfill their responsibilities to work or the family due to being drunk or hungover.

Essentially, enabling shields your parent from the consequences of their actions. Helping, however, requires maintaining your boundaries, offering support to help them treat their addiction, or taking care of things for them at home if they go to treatment.

#8. Be Realistic: You Can’t Control Their Drinking

Lastly, remember to be realistic about your expectations when dealing with an alcoholic parent. You can’t control their drinking and related problematic behaviors. You can only control your responses to their drinking.

By letting go of control, you will be more effective and present if your parent is finally ready to get treatment.

Treatment Options for Your Alcoholic Parent

Depending on where your parent is in their addiction or their recovery, there are several treatment options available, including:

• Alcohol Detox: This is the first step to treating addiction. During detox, your alcoholic parent will get the professional support they need to manage withdrawal symptoms safely.
• Residential Treatment: After detox, many people go into a residential treatment center, also called inpatient rehab. Many clients stay in residential treatment for 30 to 90 days to build a foundation for long-term recovery.
• Outpatient Rehab: After residential treatment, it’s best to continue with outpatient treatment. Many treatment centers offer step-down programs so that your parent can transition gradually from higher to lower levels of care.
• Sober Living Homes: During outpatient treatment, your parent might want to consider a sober living home. That way, they still get support and accountability for their sobriety in the early stages of recovery.
• Recovery Coaching/Sober Companions: Recovery coaches and sober companions can accompany your parent during the early stages of recovery. They can offer additional support, check-ins, and companionship.
• Case Management: The role of a case manager is to help their clients obtain additional resources to support their recovery. For example, your parent might need a doctor, legal services, safe housing, or co-occurring mental health treatment.

Get Help for Your Alcoholic Parent Today

If you have to deal with an alcoholic parent, remember that you are not alone. Support groups can help you deal with your own emotions and offer valuable tips about what to do—and what not to do. In addition, it helps to contact addiction treatment centers for more information about their services.

Creekside Recovery Residences is here to help your alcoholic parent when they are ready. Contact us today to learn more.

Knowing how to deal with an alcoholic son is a challenge for parents of adult children with an addiction. However, there are ways to help your son to put them on the path to recovery.

Creekside Recovery Residences offers sober living programs for men in recovery from alcohol addiction. When your son is ready for treatment, we’ll be here to guide you through the process.

In the meantime, here are seven ways you can help your alcoholic son:

#1. Get Help for Yourself

When your adult son struggles with alcoholism, this can take a toll on your mental health. It’s understandable to be upset or stressed out dealing with an alcoholic adult son. But it’s important to acknowledge how it affects you and to learn healthy coping skills.

Oftentimes, addiction treatment centers offer support for family members of alcoholics or addicts. This gives you a place to vent, process, and manage your emotions about your son’s behavior.

#2. Attend Family Support Groups

Support groups for families of alcoholics and addicts are great places to get additional help for your own feelings on the issue. One of the most common groups is Al-Anon, which is geared specifically toward family members of alcoholics. However, you can also find other support groups in your community to help you.

#3. Build a Support System

It’s also important to build a support system of family and friends. When you deal with an alcoholic son, other members of your family are affected by the issue. You can all lean on one another for support so that no one gets burnt out by taking on too much.

Your support system can include people you can talk to about the situation, like friends and co-workers. In addition, the people in your support system can help when you need to take your adult son to appointments or treatment programs. For example, you might need a friend to watch a pet while you drive your son to a rehab center out of town.

#4. Set Boundaries and Limits

Setting boundaries and limits are important skills when learning how to deal with an alcoholic son. Without boundaries and limits, you could be unintentionally enabling their addiction or other problematic behaviors.

Some examples of healthy boundaries and limits for an alcoholic son include:

• Not making excuses for their behavior
• Not allowing alcohol in your home
• Not shielding them from the consequences of their actions
• No longer giving them money or financial support

Remember: the key to setting healthy boundaries and limits isn’t to control your son’s behavior. Rather, it is about controlling your responses to their alcoholism and problematic behaviors.

#5. Learn More About Alcoholism and Treatment

One of the best ways to deal with an alcoholic son is to learn more about alcoholism as well as treatment. Learning more about alcoholism can provide the following benefits:

• Alleviates feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame
• Sympathize with what your son is dealing with
• Understand the underlying causes of addiction

By learning more about how alcohol addiction is treated, you can help your alcoholic son explore options when they are ready for treatment.

#6. Know What NOT to Say or Do

Of course, there are some things that you want to avoid doing or saying when helping your alcoholic son. The following are things to avoid:

• Don’t give ultimatums or make threats. Although you might feel like this is in their best interest, ultimatums and threats can ruin your relationship with your son. They can also be difficult for you to uphold—making you seem inconsistent.
• Don’t confront them—especially if they are currently under the influence. Confrontations about alcoholism aren’t helpful. Instead, discuss the issue from a place of concern and be non-judgmental. Also, never confront an alcoholic about their drinking when they are under the influence. This won’t help anyone and could ignite intense emotions.
• Don’t blame them. Alcoholism, and any issues related to it, are your son’s responsibility to manage and face the consequences of. However, acknowledging responsibility and facing consequences isn’t the same as taking blame. Blaming them for the issue doesn’t help them come around to dealing with it—it usually makes things worse.
• Don’t lecture or criticize. Sometimes, parents revert to how they dealt with their son as a child or adolescent. But, now you must talk to your alcoholic son as an adult. Lecturing or criticizing them for their actions could create distance from you and your son.
• Don’t give mixed messages. If you keep your drinking under control, you might struggle to understand what alcoholism is like for your son. Sometimes, you might pressure them to have a drink or two on holidays or special occasions—rationalizing that they can handle just one. Alternatively, you might drink heavily in front of them. This sends mixed messages to your alcoholic son.

#7. Be Patient and Acknowledge the Wins

It takes time to see significant changes when you deal with an alcoholic son. Oftentimes, you might overlook the small steps they take because you want them to overcome their disorder entirely. But, it’s important to be patient and to acknowledge the wins—even the daily victories.

And, remember that alcoholism is a chronic condition. This means that a relapse is more likely than not. However, a relapse doesn’t mean that your son cannot recover from addiction. They shouldn’t give up because of any setbacks—and neither should you.

Help Your Alcoholic Son Find Treatment Today

Creekside Recovery Residences offers sober living programs for those who need a safe and secure place to continue their recovery after inpatient treatment. We also connect our residents to outpatient programs and other helpful resources that put your son on the path to long-lasting recovery from alcohol addiction.

Contact us today to learn more.